What Sets Your Soul On Fire

When I graduated from school, my good friend and class speaker Beth, told us to be fearless in the pursuit of what sets our soul on fire. I was 22 and felt the world was mine to change for the better, to pursue my passions, and to connect with like minded people over our shared fire. Now, at 26, I find I've lost that fire and am struggling to find the ember to start it again. For the past year, I've been plagued by intense anxiety, neural flares so bad I'm left crying curled in a ball, and a sense that things aren't right. I'm living in a chapter I so desperately want to move past but haven't figured out how to do so yet. 

I feel I'm locked in-to my job, to New York City, to commitments to my friends and my boyfriend. I wonder often, at this point at least 3 times a day, who I would be without these commitments. What would I discover about myself and who I could become? The problem is, I don't hate any of my commitments (okay, maybe NYC isn't my favorite). I love my boyfriend, my friends are great, and I have an exciting job. But my soul is not set on fire. And as someone who has always had that flame lit within-it is soul crushing. My depressive episodes are coming more frequently and I can't continue to push off the sinking feeling that I'm living a life far from the one I should be. 

Graduation day with one of my best friends 

This all makes my jewish heart feel immensely guilty-because I have an amazing life. So in the safety of the internet, where for now the only person who reads my blog is my very best friend who would never judge a word I said, I will say-it is not enough. I want to fearlessly seek what sets my soul on fire. What currently does? 

• Writing

• Sunsets 

• Healthy Living & Helping Others Live Healthier Lives 

• Women's Empowerment 

• Helping People Overcome Their Problems 

• Traveling 

• Debating with Smart People 

• Living Where I Can See & Hear the Ocean 

I want to find out what else I can add to this list. I want to find the next step. And I'm stuck. And I'm not sure how to move forward but damn do I want that fire back. 

UPDATE: Apparently, my best friend is not the only one who reads this as my mother promptly called following this post to discuss. So much for secrecy.