On Self Doubt

This summer has been an in between one for me. I'm transitioning from NYC to LA. From my old job to a new one. From a huge friend base to having to meet new people and find a support system on a different coast. 

This week, as my move to Los Angeles loomed and the challenges of moving to a new city started to build, I felt this dark cloud come over me. 

Who do you think you are. You’re not good enough. You can’t do it. These thoughts repeated over and over again, making me feel terrible about myself. These thoughts mostly happen for me in the quiet moments, when I let my mind wander and the self doubt creeps in.  

I had posted on my Instagram story earlier this week about it and had so many people echo my sentiments. The feeling of not measuring up. Of struggling to see yourself in a positive light. Of feeling inadequate among curated imaged on social media. And it pained me to know others were suffering like this but it also was amazing, because I didn’t feel so alone.  

I know that there’s so many different causes behind feelings such as these and I don’t pretend to know what will make someone feel better. I did want to share what’s been helping me in the event it helps any of you.

Please note, this list is present tense purposefully, "How I'm Overcoming Self Doubt". It is a constant process and takes a lot of hard work so be patient with yourself (and I'll try to listen to my own advice :-)) 

Remember: You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

How I'm Overcoming Self Doubt

Voice Your Fears

As I said before, when I put my fears out on Instagram, I was met with so many messages of "I feel that too" which really helped me feel like I wasn't alone. But, it's important to talk to friends and family about these fears as well. When I asked my parents, who are pretty much the most impressive and accomplished people I know, I was floored when they said that they too experience intense moments of self doubt. It helps to know that the negative voice in your head echo even in the minds of those that are the most accomplished. 

We don't talk about our fears enough. We polish our exteriors and push down any glimmer of negativity to present the perfect perception of who we are to the world. But for those you feel you can let your guard down with, talk to them. Listen to them. Connecting in this way is as important and can help you support your family and friends better and vice versa. 

Escape The Digital World

We all know this. We all never do it. Digital connects us and allows us to access amazing information and share different viewpoints and it's wonderful for all those reasons and more. But, the research is piling up that it's detrimental too, causing anxiety and depression. It's a highlight reel and if you're feeling overwhelmed that your life doesn't look like the photoshopped, beautiful pictures and perfect stories you see in the digital space then put the phone down and back away.

Seriously. Back away from the phone now.

For an hour, a day, or a week. I'm terrible with this but it really helps if you have the willpower. 

Keep Happiness Bookmarked

This is one of my best tips. When you find ridiculous, funny, videos or articles that make you smile, bookmark them on a happy tab. If you have an email or an accolade or work you've done that makes you smile, put it all in a folder. Make a list of everything you're great at even if it's as simple as being a supportive friend or being super neat or making a damn delicious PB&J sandwich. It can also big moments too, like a time you won an award at work or accomplished a great feat with your team, or volunteered your time for a cause. When you're feeling down, click on the links in the happy tab to release some of that anxiety and flip through your accomplishment folder to build yourself up. 

Pro Tip: The happy tab is also great if a friend or family member needs cheering up. Here are a few of my favorites I have bookmarked: 

Batman Baby

Be a Good Fart Machine

Dads Take Their Children to Dublin Pride

Attack of the Puppies

27 Puppies Too Cute to Be Real

Show Up

Self Doubt can be completely paralyzing. You can feel totally defeated and it makes you want to crawl up in a ball and just not try. The most important thing to do when you feel this way is to show up. Show up even if you're not perfect. Show up even if it's hard. Show up because you need to prove to yourself that you can, in spite of the anxiety. It's like when you're dealing with writers block and people tell you to just start to write, even if it's not great. The practice of moving forward is essential to getting out of a place of doubt. 

Get Inspired 

Is it Pinterest quotes? Is it a documentary on your favorite celebrity? (looking at you, RBG) Is it talking to your mentor? Whatever is a source of inspiration for you, go out and find it. People like Maya Angelou (a personal inspiration of mine) were told over and over again they were nothing and couldn't succeed. Walt Disney was told he lacked imagination...seriously! Oprah was publicly fired from her first job, Vera Wang wanted to be an Olympic figure skater but found success on another path, Albert Einstein literally couldn't get a job for two years after he graduated, Michael Jordan was cut from the varsity basketball team in high school, and J.K. Rowling overcame depression, welfare, and rejection after rejection before gracing us with the incredible world of Harry Potter. 

Almost everyone you meet will have a story about overcoming adversity and doubt and achieving success. Listen to those stories. Read the quotes. Speak to real people and when all else fails listen to and become inspired by yourself. 

Not the voice that tells you to doubt your every move. The voice that seeks no validation from anything external. That squeals a little bit when you do something that ignites your passions and cheers you on when you take a leap of faith. That voice is often enough to overcome the doubt and move forward.