31 Things I've Learned at 31

Reflections

Jan 15

Sarah Dubow and partner on a hillside holding hands

Well a puppy, a concussion, a wedding, some MBA classes and a new year later and I’ve been 31 over half a year already. The Lemon Tribe has always been such an outlet for me but life, as it does, has taken me in other directions. Puppy pics, concussion story, wedding album and much more to come soon but in the interim, I don’t want to let the year go by without posting my 31 Things I’ve Learned at 31. I’m pretty sure I may be the only one who reads this but I love that it serves as a record for me of the lessons I’ve learned on another trip around the sun. So here it is!

31 Things I’ve Learned at 31

The absolute best feeling in the world is to love and be loved. Remembering that every single day will transform your life.
Sometimes, the fear of a feeling is far worse than the feeling itself. Sitting beside your fear to experience deep emotion will support your wellbeing far more than avoidance.
Believe in the magic of possibilities. Also, believe in magic, no matter how old you get.
No one healer, modality, or treatment is going to be a cure all or give you all the answers. The very best healing, the very best answers exist in you.
Be careful what parts of yourself you wrap up in your identity. ‘Perfectionist’, ‘Type A’ and even ‘health nut’ are often coded language for disordered parts of yourself. Clearing those can bring you further to learning who you truly are.
Heartbreak and grief can be seen as all the love you weren’t able to express - it is painstakingly sad but beautiful too.
A destabilizing event is often the most stabilizing thing we can ask for - it flips everything upside down so you can put it back together in the way you choose.
Sing, dance and laugh as much as humanly possible. These are the great connectors and gateways to the soul.
There’s a trillion health trends you can try - but at its core health is pretty basic. Connection. Movement. Laughter. Nature. Some nourishing food. Self love.
Do nice things for other people as much as you can - and don’t tell anyone about it.
A full calendar and a full life are not the same thing. Know the difference.
When people tell you something is impossible, incurable, inconceivable - that only reveals the limits of their imagination not of the possibilities before you.
There’s a huge difference between living life in presence and living life on purpose.
It’s okay to feel totally lost. Lean into the feeling of not knowing. You have to get far away from yourself to see yourself from a different perspective and return back anew.
You are the longest and most intimate relationship you will ever have - dedicate yourself to building it every day in every way - it will change your life.
When your brain can’t figure something out, move to your body. What is it telling you? If you tune in, its voice will get louder and reveal so much.
Sometimes you have to break your own rules, conceptions, and beliefs when you realize that you were the one holding yourself back.
Don’t wait to live for some future moment- when you get married or have kids or move or retire. Live your life now in all its luxuries and confusion and complication now. Buy the nice outfit. Say you love or miss that person. Not tomorrow, now.
Learn to let go of anger. It’s too heavy to hold onto. (If you want to experiment with this, repeat ‘love’ into one hand and ‘anger’ into the other and feel the weight difference- wild right?!?).
Sometimes it’s not about discovery or exploration or new adventures - sometimes the more meaningful path is a remembering, a remembering of who you are, where you came from and why that matters not only today but for the future path you walk.
Understand as much as you can about finances and take a part of your salary (if you are lucky enough to be able to) to put in high yield savings and a recurring transfer to investments. Your money will multiply and you’ll be better set up for when you need it.
Don’t always shy away from darkness- our society puts too much focus on being happy and light. The full spectrum of emotions involves dancing in darkness and embracing that darkness allows you to fully see how spectacular is the light.
I have no idea what’s so comforting about a hot beverage, a big bowl of soup or a hot bath but whenever you’re in need, one of those three will usually provide even a temporary amount of relief.
If you can’t make a decision, you probably don’t have enough information to make it.
The older I get the more I realize how little I understand about life and its mysteries. My greatest answer has simply been to be curious and see what life has to reveal.
Timelines you make up in your head are silly stressors. Don’t compare your own journey, your timeline will unfold in the way it is supposed to and no one got more done in a faster timeline by being in a pressure cooker.
When you see someone struggling, do something. When you want to compliment someone, say it. Don’t wait for someone else to come along and be a helper or a supporter. Be that person for someone else.
Poop is still pretty funny at 31.
Romanticize your little moments in life. Yeah the Youtubers are on to something. Put your water in a fancy glass, dance while washing the dishes, take a moment and watch the sunset during a freezing cold dog walk. It will make life so much richer.
You can always change your path.
Shrek was right, existence is like peeling layers of an onion, finding new challenges and excitement with each new layer. I’ve got a bit more time of 31 but I’m excited to see what the 32nd layer will bring.